Warwickshire mum’s survival guide for parents with a child at school

Try not to worry too much about what other parents think of you

Lauren Chiron, mum to a 17-year-old and founder of a menopause at work training company, Women of a Certain Stage, says: “I wish I had known not to worry about what the other parents might think or say about me. When my son joined pre-school, I was the only sole parent there. I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder because I was a full-time working mum and I had no local support. I constantly felt like I was being judged for not being fully present at all the school events, often turning up just in time to watch my son in the sports/music/book day event he was in and rushing off, or taking work calls whilst there.”

In her head, everyone else had all the time in the world for their children, Lauren says, but looking back, she realises she has always had a good relationship with her son and that she had the same sort of concerns as every other parent.

“I just took a bit longer, perhaps, than most, to realise this and could have avoided a few sleepless nights and moments or concern if I had been less worried about what others thought and just enjoyed the journey,” she says.

Ignore the overly competitive parents and focus on the ones you can genuinely connect with

Christine Armstrong, a speaker, researcher and author of Mother of All Jobs – a book about how to have children and a career and stay sane (ish) – and a mum of three, says: “Ignore the competitive parents whose kids can read Harry Potter / do the triple jump / play the oboe or are reportedly ‘doing maths with the next year up’ before they have even started school.” Instead, Armstrong says, focus on forging friendships with those you can genuinely connect and laugh with at the school gates. “Be kind, polite and friendly with all the teachers too. They talk to each other (obviously) and are more likely to be receptive to any issues you raise with them,” she adds.

Find out if the school has a second-hand uniform scheme

The cost of school uniform can really add up, especially if you have multiple children at different schools. Check on the school website or ask the school office if they have a second-hand uniform scheme. Where possible, ask other parents what bits of school uniform are really necessary. My eldest, for example, still has two jumpers we bought at the start of Year 7 which he has hardly ever worn. Also, buy two ties. They always lose one.

Set up a new e-mail account for school (and prepare for the deluge)

Jenny Hughes, mum to a nine and ten year old and co-founder of Arcform, a Warwickshire-based luxury lighting company, recommends setting up a specific email address for your child’s school, such as fredschool@gmail.com.

“All the e-mails from school can go there so you can easily check to see if you have missed something if you just check that mailbox,” she says. “You’ll also make sure it doesn’t get lost with all the other e-mails and it’s easy to know where to go to search for something. I started it last year, a few years after my children started school and wished I had done it sooner.”

Let go of perfection

“Starting school is overwhelming for kids and also parents. It’s a never-ending stream of e-mails and demands, more than I ever could have imagined,” says Catherine Regi, a Sheffield-based artist and mum of a six- and eight-year-old. “Get them as clean and tidy as you can and don’t stress the small stuff. Uniform has a bit of muck on? Wipe it down and send in the next day. Hairs a mess? Brush if you can and if you can’t, just send them in looking like Wurzel Gummidge. “It’s more important that they learn to enjoy school and that you’re on their side than stick to every rule.”

Take short cuts where possible

Joanne Carroll, co-owner of Winchcombe Farm Holidays, a luxury holiday retreat in Tysoe, says: “It’s no exaggeration to say Stamptastic, which does personalised name stamps for school uniform, changed my life. No more sewing in name labels and takes minutes to stamp school kit.”

Don’t over schedule

When you hear about all the clubs your child’s new school runs, you might be tempted to sign them up to as many things as possible. Don’t, advises Claire Alexander, mum of two and owner of The Killingworth Castle, a pub with rooms, near Woodstock.

“I always made sure my kids had two or three nights in the week without an after school activity. They need to chill. The amount of children I saw who looked knackered because they had one and even sometimes two things after school to do made me realise how important it was not to do too much.”

Your child will be exhausted for the first few terms

Paul Wyllie, a retired headteacher (and a relative of mine), says to remember that a full school day is hard for any four-year-old.

“When they come home let them do what they want to. If they want to just sit that’s fine or if they want to run around and scream and shout that’s fine too. Don’t force them to do anything connected with school,” he says.

“The evening meal is also really important and may be the best time to ask them about school. Bear in mind, however, that they might not remember much about it but always respect their response. If they don’t want to talk about it don’t push them. And don’t forget that seeing children learn is the greatest thing in the world. Don’t miss out.”