Stratford View column: Why has it become acceptable to do everything on speaker phone?

CAN someone please tell me when the moment was that it became acceptable to do everything on speaker phone?

It has always been irritating when someone is being extremely loud on their phone and you have no choice but to hear everything they are saying, but now it seems we must listen to both sides of every stranger’s conversation, sometimes with bonus video as well. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been next to someone while they are having a deafeningly loud call on speaker phone.

I was recently in Tesco where there was a young woman video calling her friend as she meandered aimlessly round the aisles, not looking where she was going and loudly discussing how some bloke called Matt was flirting with her and she knows he has a girlfriend but, oh my god, he’s so fit etc.

Every so often she would stop dead and say, “Oh my God, I know” causing multiple trolley pile-ups involving people who were simply using the supermarket to go, you know, shopping.

In the age of the smartphone, it’s not just other people’s tedious private conversations we have to listen to but other people’s awful music. A friend of mine regularly gets the X18 bus from Stratford to Warwick, and on every journey he is treated to several teenagers blaring out music from their respective phones at the same time and within a few metres of one another. I have questions for these youngsters: Why do you think everyone wants to hear your dreadful music? Doesn’t it bother you that you can hear several other people’s dreadful music at the same time? And lastly, for the love of God why don’t you buy some headphones on which to listen to your dreadful music?

As part of my well-established intolerance of youth, I have always considered this to be something that only young people do, but a few days ago I was proved very wrong and was forced to accept that this activity against humanity is now enjoyed by all generations.

Last week I was in Costa on the Maybird with my friend. It was pretty busy so quite noisy, but all tolerable and not unexpected given the time of day. That is until a man came and sat down at the table next to us with his tablet. I looked up and as he was in his 70s, I made the assumption that he would be sitting quietly and maybe perusing news sites on his electronic device. Or perhaps bulk buying Werther’s Originals. No. Neither of these. He flipped out a little stand on the back, stood it on the table and started watching a sit-com at full volume. And I mean full volume.

I’m unable to express the rage I felt at this small act of anti-social behaviour. I looked, open-mouthed, at my friend who could see I was having trouble processing the party-for-one at the adjacent table.

“Just ignore it,” he said through gritted teeth. “How can anyone ignore that racket? Look at him. He should know better at his age” was the printable part of my reply. I did what all self-respecting British people do at this point and turned to him, narrowed my eyes and tutted. It turns out this is entirely ineffectual when someone is so engrossed with Dad’s Army that they have forgotten to act like a member of a civilised society.

There are many, many things in this world that have been improved by smart technology. We can video call family and friends across the world, choose from millions of songs and films at our convenience, and work from absolutely anywhere that has a signal. I love this. It’s incredible. But please, I beg you, let’s not ruin things by using this magnificent technology to force others to listen to the mundanity of our everyday existence.

Or to make my friend listen to Taylor Swift on the bus.